Resolutions are like Roses

What was your reaction to the word, “resolutions” in the title?

• Did you add “New Year’s” in front of it?
• Did it bring to mind the single-digit success rates you’ve read from various sources?
• Did you shake your head at the naiveté of people who do this?

Or perhaps there was a judgy inner voice that reminded you of those times you had tried and failed while another (opposite-of-judgy) voice suggested that it could be different this time because you would do it differently. You would set smaller goals, plan better, or get an accountability partner.

One Little Word

How can one word conjure up both

• cynicism (It doesn’t work people! Stop wasting time already!) and 
• hope (But I have more tools now and I can plan for what stumped me before!)

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as well as

• a sense of superiority (Those poor naïve people who probably also believe in the Tooth Fairy and a fair world) and 
• shame (How many times have I crashed and burned in my attempts. Face it, I am just not strong enough to make any kind of meaningful changes. )

Because many of us have had previous experiences associated with the word, and if we are to trust the statistics on the number of people who start resultutions and not seeing them through, these experiences are tinged with downers: frustration, shame, even despair. 

And this time of the year, you can’t escape its appearances in your news feed, on podcasts, and tables designated for successful living in book stores.

Words + strong experiences = loaded words evoking powerful, often negative emotions.

Who Needs It Anyway?

We don’t. 

When you can’t find the jar of pickles, the one you bought from the farmers’ market last summer, don’t “resolve” to become more disciplined in your purchases from now on or chastise yourself for your disorganization. 

When the a friend pops into your mind, don’t jot down “call a friend a week” on your list of resolutions or flagellate yourself for being the worst friend in the world. 

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When you are awakened, once again, at 3 a.m. from the insistent beeping of your smoke alarms because their batteries need to be changed, don’t curse these poor inanimate objects for always choosing your deep sleep moments to chirp. 

These are situations you want to improve. Using the framework of resolutions won’t help*. It only causes regular events to take on unnecessary burdens:

• an indictment of your character
• proof that your 3rd grade teacher was correct when she said you were cursed in life with disorganization
• prospect of tedious and likely non-effective work in the near future

Energy zappers all. Brain flooders. Spirit dampeners. 

Saboteurs.

Time for Replacements

When you feel the familiar rise of these saboteurs, perhaps when thinking about exercises you’ve been meaning to add to your weekly routine, I suggest the following actions:

• Yell one of the following:
  • “Halt!” in your favorite authoritative voice.
  • “Out! Out! Damn spot!” Wing hands if desired.  

• Sing one of the following
  • “Stop! in the name of Love”. Channel the Supremes’ certainty that their gloved hands would stop anyone in their tracks.
  • “First things first” Heed Dan Reynolds’ advice to focus on one thing. Tip: ignore the sentiments of the song.**
• Pivot. Yes, stand up if you’re not already standing, turn to face the opposite direction. If it amuses you, speak it a.l.a Ross. (If it annoys you, well, don’t.)

• Use your hands as blinders on the sides of your face and do the first thing that comes to mind right now, not the most useful thing, not the most optimal thing, not the thing that will create the most impact, just the first thing you can.*** Call the friend. Throw away the expired bottles of hot sauces you discovered while seeking pickles. Put a post-it note near the smoke alarm whose batteries you just changed this morning and that’s why you’re thinking about it and why you wouldn’t change it right now. 

Enough With The Gimmicks

Only they are not. 

By focusing on specific thoughts and moving our bodies, we extricate ourselves from the freeze response of staying overwhelmed or the freeze-adjacent response of planning strategies but not doing them. They also help with flight (“I just remember I have to organize my old tax returns by color!”) and fight (Smash smoke alarms) responses. 

By acting on something, however tiny and perhaps insignificant, or even useless, points us toward the direction of doing more. Continuing a momentum is easier than starting. Sir Isaac Newton was a brilliant man. 

By choosing somewhat silly actions, we inject a bit of levity into what can feel heavy, we can access a better perspective and, dare I use another laden-word, fun, into the process? 

What's Roses Got To Do With It?

The point of this article is that the word “resolutions” can create more harm than good for many who respond to it the way you do. (Those who don’t would have stopped reading a while ago.)

Don’t allow a word to prevent you from doing what can improve your life. 

“What’s in a name? A rose, by any other name…”††

Do it. Make the change. Start the work. Create your best life. 

You don’t have to call it a resolution.

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* You’re right.  Resolutions do work for some. But they wouldn’t be reading this far. 

** Imagine Dragons fans: I don’t diss the sentiments of Believer and his other soul-bearing songs as they speak to many fans. Ignore them only in this instance for this purpose. 

*** Starting with an action that has the biggest impact or is the most optimal, and jotting down ideas and planning strategies, for that matter, are GOOD things. I am not advising against them, only to those for whom they become substitutes for the actual doing that will bring change. 

† “Sweet-smelling” is a weird adjective for resolutions and that’s why I stop the quote mid-sentence. 

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